I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
