I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
