Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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