i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
