Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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