we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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