@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
