Just fell off a train. Bad.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
