We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize