You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
