he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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