You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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