I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize