i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
