Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Are we still banned from the library?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
