if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
