youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
