I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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