And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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