I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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