im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
