What a fucking waste of an outfit
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
