So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
