Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Randomize
