You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
