so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
