THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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