I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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