please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
