I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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