The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
