i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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