i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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