Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
