You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
