I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
