She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Randomize
