singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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