I'd wear matching sweaters with you
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
