Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
