I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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