She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
