Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
