please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
