So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
