I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
a search helicopter?!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
