Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
