imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
