DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
