he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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