Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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