I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
