Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
