i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
