mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
