Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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