Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
