There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
