i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
