it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
