my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
