You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
