You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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