EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
