doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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