Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
