He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
