i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
