Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
