There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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