if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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