Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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