If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
