She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
